How To Recognize Grooming With Your Eyes, Ears, and Mind
For some, the word “grooming” simply describes the care given to a beloved furry friend. For others who recognize the notorious link the word now has to sexual explotation, it has taken on a much more sinister meaning.
By the 1980’s, the word was coined as one of the most common tactics used by abusers to emotionally manipulate and isolate their victims. Even though grooming was identified long before the internet, social media has brought a wave of constant and often secret communication that can serve as a breeding ground for grooming if not monitored.
BUT REMEMBER- Grooming happens both on and offline.
In order to protect children and teens from the devastating effects of grooming, one must first be able to define, recognize, and identify grooming for what it is.
So What Is Grooming?
Grooming:
“Manipulative behaviors that the abuser uses to gain access to a potential victim, coerce them to agree to the abuse, and reduce the risk of being caught.”
-RAINN
Grooming looks very different from situation to situation, but it tends to follow a pattern. The abuser may be a romantic partner, a mentor, a family member, or dominant figure, but the tactics of the groomer remain similar.
Pattern Of Grooming:
Targeting the Victim
Gaining Trust
Meeting Needs
Isolation
Exploitation
Maintaining Control
Grooming can be seen, heard, and felt.
Once someone can recognize grooming from the side of the abuser, it is important to familiarize oneself with seeing the signs of grooming from the side of the victim of the abuse.
Child grooming can look like:
Constant online communication through a child’s favorite game or social media platform
Showering the child with gifts and sudden attention
Convincing the child the behavior is normal and making the child eventually question their own sense of reality
Isolating the child from friends and family as to ensure they are the only person the child trusts, talks to, or relies on
These are just some of the changes a child or teen who is being groomed will experience. The abuser will create an environment that in all ways leads the child back to them and them alone. The more emotionally and physically reliant on the abuser the victim becomes, the easier it is for the abuser to manipulate them.
Child grooming can sound like:
“You are so mature for your age…”
“You can trust me with anything…”
“Noone understands you like I do..”
“If you really love me you will…”
At the core of grooming lies emotional manipulation and while this manipulation sounds different in every situation, phrases that aim to isolate the child and make them emotionally dependent on the groomer are seen over and over again.
Child grooming can feel like:
Nobody would believe the child if they knew
Nobody would understand why the child didn’t ask for help sooner
Nobody would be able to keep the child safe from their abuser if people found out
While most people would offer help without a second thought to a child or teen being sexually exploited, an abuser will make their victim feel like their need for help is a burden. Grooming creates a false sense of intimacy and connection between the abuser and the victim may even reject the idea that they are being manipulated.
The best way to offer help to someone you suspect is being groomed is to learn the signs.
If you notice these signs in someone or are concerned a child or teen is being abused, call the National Sexual Assault Hotline 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) or visit RAINN.org for detailed resources.
Sources:
https://calio.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/the-evolution-of-grooming-concept-and-term.pdf
https://www.rainn.org/news/grooming-know-warning-signs
https://www.nspcc.org.uk/what-is-child-abuse/types-of-abuse/grooming/#1
